Death of a Player

Coach B,

SINCERE condolences to you and your squad on the untimely death of this young athlete who was turning his life around. As both a Football coach and an Ordained Minister, I have dealt with this situation more than I would have ever cared to, believe me.

NO WORDS ARE ADEQUATE, EVER, AT A TIME LIKE THIS. I sincerely hope that you are a Christian as God will be your solace through this entire ordeal. If not, you will have to work through it the best way that you know how to do so. But, I would like you to know that GOD is very aware of your situation and will help you forebear, if you but sincerely ask Him to do so.

As the HFC, your kids are looking to you to be their rock of Gibralter in this trying time. NEVRE MIND TRYING TO BE SOMEONE ELSE, JUST BE YOU! LET THEM KNOW THAT YOU FEEL THEIR PAIN AT THIS TREMENDOUS LOSS, AND LET THEM DO THE MAJORITY OF THE TALKING WHILE YOU LISTEN TO THEM.
Special services in the deceased's honor, a TEAM ONLY SPECIAL MEETING TO LET THE KIDS SHARE THEIR FEELINGS WITH YOU AND YOUR STAFF, while you SINCERELY LISTEN TO THEM. Plant a tree in the young man's honor, install a special plaque in the halls, etc. are all good ideas.

PLEASE DO NOT FORGET TO INCLUDE THE PARENTS IN EVERYTHING THAT YOU DO. DO YOUR DEAD LEVEL BEST TO LET THEM KNOW JUST HOW MUCH YOU REALLY APPRECIATED THEIR SON! Be sure and have a moment of silence in the boy's honor before your next game, whenever that may be, in spring or fall.

Please allow me to pray with you here on this public forum:

Dear Father which art in Heaven,

Please reign down your mercy and grace and that peace that passeth all understanding to my fellowcoach,
his staff, the parents and relatives of this wonderful young man. Grant unto them understanding far exceeding the finite mind of man in this matter and grant unto them also a wisdom to apply this knowledge and understanding to their young men who are looking to them for answers when there seems to be no answer. Allow them to say the right words that only you can supply in this time of ordeal. Give them the strength to be the men and relatives that they need to be. These things I humbly pray, in the mighty name of your son Jesus, AMEN.

Coach,
I am very sorry for your loss. Two seasons ago we lost one of our players when lightening struck him while we were at practice. It was the same feeling you are going through now.
All I can tell you is don't try to be the strong one that feels like you have to hold everything, and everyone, together. Cry with everyone at every chance. This was one of the best things I did. I lost all "pride" and just let the tears fly whenever they wanted to- class, practice, meetings, anywhere. I was not too big to cry. Man, I cried a bunch. I talk to the kid, Russell, almost every day still.
I became a big hugger. I used the kids' name whenever I could.
Nobody can tell you the best way to react. I was, and am still, a pretty stoic person. But let me tell you, now I am a lot more open and emotional. The best thing that I did was that I wrote a letter to the team that we were to play. Just so happened that I coached there the previous 4 years. It was the best thing I ever did. I was able to open up and really express my feelings. After I faxed the letter I felt a huge burden lift off of my shoulders.
Don't know if any of this helped but this was just my way.
Let me know if I can help you any more.
Just feel lucky we are able to come into contact with kids like this.

Coach, I am so sorry for the loss.
I can't begin to imagine what that is like.
The only thing I think of is the Lord's Grace, and His plan.
Your boy and your football community will be in our programs prayers.

COACH,

You see coaching REALLY IS A BROTHERHOOD! I never fail to be moved by the heartfelt response of men who have been there and experienced the same things you and your staff are experiencing at this very moment. The sincere and excellent advice given to you by others will certainly help sustain you and carry you through this ordeal. I asked a good coaching friend from east Texas to post and share his feelings with you on the tragic death of one of his players last year from an untimely lightening strike. GUNSONS
post is identical to what my friend shared with me at the time it happened, although I know him by a different name. GUNSON, may or may not be the same coach. At any rate, know in your heart that we are ALL PRAYING FOR YOU TODAY.

Coach Easton

Apologies for resorting to cliche, but no parent/teacher/coach should ever have to endure outliving their child/player/or student.

I'll keep you in my thoughts, Coach.

Coach,

My heart goes out to the young man's family and friends. I lost a friend about 12 years ago, he was a good guy. Unfortunately his memory will be as one of the first student athletes to wear a court appointed ankle monitoring brace. Just as he was finally shedding the gangs and started acting like a responsible young man with a potential Division I or Division II future, he was shot, and killed in a drive by shooting by a fellow gang member who was upset he was no longer active in the gangs. Many of our teammates got together, even though we had no been on the same field for a couple of years, but we met and our head coach was there as well.

He came down to offer his condolences and to make sure that his family was doing ok. Coach D came all the way down from another school pretty far away, it made all of us feel better to see the coach with us. Just him being there, shaking our hands, and letting us say a few words about how we felt about Raydon make the whole situation seem better.

Continue to be there for the kids, listen to them, but more importantly talk to someone yourself because I can only imagine the hard time you are having with the feelings that you have expressed. May God rest his soul and be there for all that love him.

I also want to say Amen to TigerOne's prayer--very well done!

Coaches,

Once again, thank you for all the kind words.


As the days go by I am hearing that Chevis may have brought some of this upon himself. Obviously, he did not deserve the outcome, but was arguing with some rough kids from another neighborhood. After the arguement, they came back with another young man, who would later pull the trigger. As I stated above, Chevis was coming full circle, but still would slip up as he did this week.

I am struggling with how our kids and community feel about Chevis. Some think he is a hero and i am somewhat bothered by that. I dont want my kids to emulate his lifestyle. I want them to emulate his passion for life and football. I LOVE Chevis but had problems with some of his off the field decisions.

How do I commemorate Chevis.... and help me with the MESSAGE that truly needs to be sent to our community.

Any ideas?