Hypothetical

Coach,
If your principal is mad because your Coach pushed a kid who has 20 pounds of equipment on, it sounds as though thats a tough battle. And you know as well as I do, much worse goes on than a push. The one thing that has to happen is that if the Coach apologizes, so does the kid. If the Coach is reprimanded, so is the kid. Dont know if I would buck my principal, depends on how bad you need him to get another job. He doesnt deserve to be fired by any means. The point that has to be made is this, if the Coach was in the wrong, so was the kid. Bottom line!..If the kid is a problem, you could let the Coach apologize sign a letter of reprimand and then tell the kid to hit the road. You let one kid get away with it, it will slowly creep its way through the team.

BlackHawk
I agree with both JBone and Coach Easton have said. The only thing I can add is to perhaps play the game back. Say the only reason the Coach shoved the player was b/c he felt threatened and feared this young man with all his equipment might attempt to do something physical. Just a thought.
The #1 thing you need to do is make sure your AD and Principal both know that this player-student has been issue and that the kid "was in the coaches face".
I know its not much, but remember LOYALTY is a Two Way Street!

Yeah, I am conflicted because I got into coaching to help and work with kids, but I am an intensely loyal guy to my coaches. The principal wants him fired to avoid the controversy, but it pains me to turn my back on this guy who I think would make a hell of a coach and could use this as a learning experience.I meet with them today and a decision is expected Friday. I will let you all know how it goes.

I have been an AD. Was one for 7 years in addition to being a HC. I too am like TigerOne in that in older days, I agree, things were different. So much for what used to be.....

Here is another spin on this hypothetical from my experience as a HS HFC, and HS AD

Bottom Line, like or lump it...

It sounds like the coach realizes he was out of line, and he was. No matter what the kid did, the opportunity to bring appropriate one sided discipline was lost when the coach decided to take matters into his own hands. He is an adult. Period. It was wrong, he sees it, and most angry people do. You said he has a "bad temper." This is a wake up call...for you. I have been where you are, probably no less than half a dozen serious times with coaches in my care as AD.

What you have to ask yourself, and this is what I always did as an AD when I had to go to bat to the Admin for my coaches and I had to do it regularly!!!

Are you prepared to stand before the Principal and AD, WHEN, not if, the coach loses it again and does something, and still vouch for this coach's character?

Are you so confident in his understanding of his need to control his emotions in the interest of serving YOUR program, or is he just thinking, "Really, this should just be a slap on the hand." NOT ALL COACHES ARE EQUAL to the task. How well do you really KNOW this coach.

The next time it will not have to be nearly as bad for him to get "brought up on charges." Because, he has an actual "strike" against him. I had to go to the floor to save some coaches jobs who genuinely were sorry for dumb things they said and did to players, only in about 50% of the situations, to have those same GOOD coaches, throw me under the bus again by losing control again. Made me look desperate to the Administration.

Here are two issues you have to weigh in your decision...and would be good to use with the ADMIN - sounds like they are open to input.

1) If this guy gets fired for this, he will be "persona non grata" anywhere he goes to be a coach. First question, I asked previous schools who had guys that got "fired", "What did he do?"
That is too severe a penalty for any young coach, this early in his career. In my opinion, this is one of those do all you can to make it right, work with the coach, to save his career. BUT, HE MUST BE MADE TO UNDERSTAND HOW THIS LOOKS ON A FUTURE REFERENCE PHONE CALL - IT WILL FOLLOW HIM. HE MUST CHANGE>>>MUST, regardless of this kid's arrogance.

2) It is tough to get good coaches today, period. Here is what I would recommend...take the ADs suggestion...send the message to the coach that you are distancing yourself from him in his action...BUT, you are sparing his job for the work he has done, and the response he has given. A second chance is not a bad thing, it was just a push, not a punch, and there is a difference.

Get on the same page with the AD, because he will be the one to run interference for you with the principal and the parents. It sounds like he is seeking a fair and equitable scenario to help the coach, but to keep the parents from "running the show."

Save the job first for the sake of the coach, make it right with the family, and seek restoration.

THEN...BRING THE COACH IN, CLOSE THE DOOR...and think about this in your remarks.

I love coaching, and I have been pushed to the absolute freaking edge before on many occasions, and I have torn my share of players a new one verbally, and I toenailed that line many a times, where the kid could tell what I ate for dinner three days ago, when I was done yelling. But if this coach was willing to push a kid for a comment, what will he do if a LB hauls off and shoves him? You just can't know.

IMO, loyalty is only due to those who have been loyal - and there is a limit. And, in my opinion, he forfeited his loyalty to you, when he decided to put that kid on the ground rather than out of respect for YOU, YOUR PROGRAM, and the PRIVILEGE it is to be in it, to hold himself in check. What he did ultimately reflected the worst on you.

As a Head Varsity FB coach, I faced this, and I always backed my coaches because they knew where my loyalty's limits were. That was one they knew before I hired them. If they crossed the line, I owed them nothing. This isn't personal, this is business. Yes, we have relationships, but I am not going down for a coach, who wasn't willing to do it for me when he had the chance. Not in a job. Now, in my personal life, that is different. But, this is football, and a business.

Jerry, you know me and my heart to serve the coach, but I won't serve a coach who is serving themselves. I tried it, and it doesn't work. Rage is a self-serving emotion, and that is a dangerous thing to have in your program, in your coaches. It doesn't mean God can't change a heart, and he knows I have needed His grace for those many times I went to the edge, and I have seen Him change a heart many time. He certainly changed mine. But, aside from the care we have for this coach, as those tasked in authority, if we cannot go where this coach went ourselves in a moment of rage, we cannot go there with him after the fact.

Isn't that essentially disloyal to the rest of the staff that would probably love to take a swing at a kid at times, but have had to call down the holy angels to keep themselves in check to not do it? So, we open the door to excessive understanding, and the next day another coach hits a similar situation, and you have a real quandary. The double standard is in, and now everybody, including YOU, is packing their bags.

You saved his job, but you paint in the picture for him behind the scenes with all the colors in play.

Obviously, each case is different, but I don't think this is political on the coach's side, forget the upset parents, they aren't even on my radar as the Head Coach in this situation. What he did to the staff was way more severe, than to the foolish, and arrogant, ranting pre-pubescent wannabe.

He has served notice to the staff that, his need is so great to protect his "manhood," that it was, for that moment, more important than the program. Now, the staff all have to walk on eggshells, because he couldn't possibly have a kid act toward him like the idiot he already was. He was willing to sell his career, and the program, down the river for a moment of cheap satisfaction. He needs to understand he isn't in this alone! It just isn't about him...just like it isn't about you.

You already know this, I am just melting my Keyboard, now.

It is just another angle to consider...BEHIND CLOSED DOORS... This second part is the conversation I have with the coach behind closed doors...and the kid is a non-issue. You need to know if this coach is, in fact, LOYAL. If he is, he will own his failure, man up to the staff, apologize, and get help for his BAD TEMPER, and be a MODEL COACH going forward.

Then, when the coach is reprimanded appropriately, put on a period of probation, etc.

Have a meeting with the parents and that player about his comment to the coach, and discipline the player. This isn't personal, and the coach's actions do not dismiss the player from responsibility for what he did. He still needs to be addressed as any player would be for that disrespect to a coach.

That is what I would do, and DID, in these situations.

Not sure if anyone will agree with my rant, but I have first hand knowledge of situations like this, and I could not hold back with my experience. I went easy on a few, before I realized that second part of my post, about what the actions of these coaches, and my weak response, did to my other staff and program. That is when I became a better judge of circumstances, because I began to see things from a better vantage point - the team is more important than any one individual - that is true for the staff as well.

Everyone seeks to feel good about having mercy on those who messed up, and that certainly is something I understand having God's mercy shown to me on many occasions daily.

HOWEVER, Coaching and the authoritative trust that comes with it, is, and always will be, a gift from God.

And while parents are unreasonable, being one myself, I actually understand that better now, Coaching is still a privilege not given to everyone, and not everyone is good at it. I have just learned that in order to protect the integrity of those who do it well, who seek to discipline their emotions, and love their players in spite of getting constantly disrespected, you have to balance those important lessons and opportunities of mercy, with a clear message of future change for the sake of that privilege that we all hold in high regard.

I resolved, young or not, that I would not let any coach off the hook, not even myself(hence the reason I always owned my failures as a coach to my players), when it comes to honoring the code I have embraced. It may not be popular, but I love coaches, and coaching, and I just think its important to keep our edge when trying to protect it.

If, as a coach, we are not constantly aware of that "code", we need to visit with TigerOne, and others like him, with a legacy that is due proper respect, who played and coached like wild men, but loved kids like Fathers in their coaching.

I can see no greater love for this coach, than he be spared for the sake of his future, but taken to the "woodshed" for his failure to understand his role on your team, and to remember the love that must motivate his effort. Love for his fellow staff, and his players.

I am sorry for the length of this message, even though it was hypothetical, and please know that I was confronted in my heart for every failure I made as a coach in writing this, and be assured I am no better than anyone. I was nearly fired by authority figures for arrogant things I did, and while I was restored in friendship each time, I was "cut no slack" for what I did, and was taken to the "woodshed" many times and placed on that short leash. The indictment on my own heart drew my finger to the delete button more than once, but know that for the sake of the coaches who are "doing it right" on your staff, I pressed through.

That is where a good coach's loyalty lies, not to those who take advantage of his kindness, patience, and leadership in the program, by putting themselves first. It is just important to make that clear in the hiring process.

Just my two cents. Even if it is just hypothetical.

Darin, that was pretty deep. This is definitely a sensitive issue. It's getting tougher and tougher to work with kids, because we have to be as close to perfect now in all that we do. Coaching is portrayed as a glamorous profession now and everyone wants to be a coach so that they can get their name in the paper. I've learned after all the years I've put into this profession that COACHING HAS VERY LITTLE TO DO WITH FOOTBALL!

DARIN,

Sincere thanks for your impassioned view! We are of two different generations, but we both share what an age diffference can never eradicate. The love of God, the love of those we spent a lifetime (in my case) coaching and the powerfully intoxicating game of football! I appreciate you my good friend.

Coach Easton-TIGER ONE

BLACK HAWK,

That is really a shame!!! I really don't know how y'all put up with it anymore! If we, of our generation, would have had to put up with that baloney I'm sure I would have not stuck around long and would have sought to coach at another level. I would be very interested to know how this is affecting THE OTHER PLAYERS ON THE TEAM. Do they support the fired coach or the molycoddled player? As discouraged as the fired coach must be right now, tell him I said to hang tough and don't let the snot nosed brat ruin his career as a coach!!! If the parents are vindictive enough to pursue it in court, they are just looking for money more than likely!!! Your principal is just covering his own behind I'm sure, but I would never work for a man who did not support his coaches any more than that!!! Your coach was wrong (in this day and time for shoving the kid I guess) but to be made a public spectacle of and humiliated by being fired seems way to harsh a punishment. Like they say: The punishment ought to fit the crime and this seems to way overdo it in my book.

Coach Easton-TIGER ONE