Coaching your own son?

I am head coach of my sons 11-12 youth team and was his head coach last year and an asst coach on several teams before that (as well as his baseball and basketball teams). He is a very good athelete and is one of the best 2 or 3 players on the team (any sport) and is really competitive and extremely motivated to play hard and learn. The experience has been good for both of us but there have been problem areas.

First, I am harder on him than I am on anyone else on the team. I see his potential so I push him, just too hard some times. I push all the kids that are talented but maybe not putting out 110% but I have to really watch that I don't overdo it with him. My asst coaches do the same thing with their kids so it is a natural tendency of Fathers to push their sons. We (me and my coaches) will be working to even it out a little better this year.

Second, my son and other coaches sons tend to want to argue with us when they wouldn't think about arguing with other coaches. A few laps or bear crawls usually fixes this problem. He knows that punishment will be swift so it does keep the problem to a minimum. Making sure I am not harder on him and that the other kids get the same punishment for the same offenses is important.

Third is the one that bothers me the most...last year my son was QB and my 2 fastest kids were my 2 wingbacks (running DW). He was given a hard time by some of the other kids saying that the only reason he was QB was because I was the head coach. Both of the wingbacks could (and did) run some QB but our offense worked best with them carring/catching the ball and my son at QB. I think my main problem was the fullback (he fumbled about every 4th time he touched the ball and dropped every pass we threw to him- good kids just has brick hands) was mad because about all he did was block and he thought he was the best RB and QB on the team. To get to the point, my son is begging me not to play him at QB this year so the kids won't give him a hard time. He is a a good QB and if he turns out to be the best at running the option (I have 2-3 other kids that have/can run QB so he may not be QB) then he will hear it again this year. I basically have told him that I will look at all the players and play him and the others wherever the will best benefit the team.

With all this said I wouldn't trade coaching my son for anything and will be a volunteer coach all through high school if they will let me. Like JM having my son coming running up to me and jumping up in my arms with a big hug after beating our biggest rivals in OT makes it all worth it. (I like being called coach by every kid in town too...*LOL*) You just have to recognize the potential problems and just do the best you can to be fair and and not treat your son any different than any other player on the team. Last years 11-12 coach showed his son favoritism and it really hurt team unity. Any thoughts on all this is appreciated....

I have had the grand honor of coaching to of my 3 sons. The oldest is a freshman at a 2aa school and the middle one is in 7th. I coached both in pop warner and in little league. My oldest probably has had it the hardest. He wants to play on the line but i have chosen to play him at fullback because of his blocking abilty. I have had to head coaches tell me they wouldn't give him the ball, but during games both have asked how come I didn't give him the ball more after seeing him run. I am harder on him and I know it, but like I tell people. I know my sons abilty but you can't help it. He is still your son. My oldest is football smart and has even gone with me to scout and has fallen asleep at the field house while I broke down film. He doesn't mouth. With my middle son, I have taken a more suttle aproach. He is fast little kid and I have seen fellow coaches not give him a chance because he is small. Now you may think that is just being a parent,but when he carries the ball on a toss in practice and constantly scores on the 8th defense and then only gets the call on ex-point and usally that is an up the middle play. You get a little peaved. But I am hoping that his talent will be seen without me trying to point it out. He has also been around the game for a long time. Coaching your own child is probably the hardest thing you will ever do, but It is worth it. It took my oldest son 5 seasons to score. He did it 3 times this year. Yes I am looking foward to coaching my 3 year old son and my infant daughter

What are some of things that you would have hope your Dad had done?

I am currently a head freshman football coach at the High school level. My son is a junior on the varsity squad. This arrangement has worked out very well as I am still involved with the varsity but do not actively coach my son on a day to day basis. This arrangemnet has prevented any talk of bias like "He is only playing because he is the coaches son". I used to be very hard on him as others have mentioned, but then I realized that by working hard myself, being as knolwedgable as I could be about the game, setting a good example and just talking football with him was the best thing I could do to motivate him. He will be a team captain next season and go on to play at a small college level. Having football in common with my son has made us much closer and probably the best thing I have done in raising him. Congrats to all the dads who put the time an effort in to be involved with their son's athletic career.

As a younger coach with only seven years of varsity coaching experience I have to be totally be honest and admit that having fathers coach their sons is a nightmare for everyone around them. I have been in this situation twice, and in both situations the fathers left the program on bad terms. Fathers WILL show favortism toward their son, they cannot help it, and it always happen. So if you plan to coach your own son, accept the fact that it most likely will not be a good situation for everyone else.

Now I coached my brother on the high school level. I showed favortism. If I am ever blessed with children, they will not have me as a coach, because I have seen what it does to everyone around them. There is too much favortism involved, and it affects the program.

Lou Cella

I have observed at the youth levels of sports, some dads coach so their son gets a chance to play. They sign up to be the coach before some other guy signs up to coach, because at those levels, nepotism runs rampant. (But it's very easy to deal with, place your son or daughter on a team where that does not exist, or simply bring your concerns of nepotism to the coaches attention in a mature, concerned fashion. If the coach becomes defensive or argumentative - like "I'm the coach here, I and only I make the decisions", then it is pretty obvious you shouldn't want your child being influenced by such a shallow, self-centered, immature, and close-minded egomaniac). It's the exception, when a coach evaluates his son or daughter objectively, instead of the rule.

On the other hand, my observation (and experience) of high school sports is much different.

#1 Coaches get paid to make decisions.
#2 Because they are being paid, they are expected to produce.
#3 Boosters, Alumni, ADs, and Administration will only stand for so much BS before they punch your ticket.

Coaching our youngsters IS A BLESSING. It allows for the quality time mentioned in the previous posts. It is fun and rewarding to watch your son or daughter (first hand) enjoy what they are doing - And when they look over, they see you enjoying it right along with them. That is why God gave us these precious gifts - to enjoy every possible moment with them. And if you have the expertise to coach at the higher levels, and your son or daughter comes through the program......BONUS!

Now, when they do get older, and IF you do not posess the gift of objectivity, step aside and let the professionals do it. Do not offer some kind of lame excuse or some BS rationale why your son or daughter is playing instead of another. It only brings down the coaching profession. Let's not offer more reasons for others to view high school sports in a negative light. There are already enough stressors to deal with.

The bottom line is: If your own kid is the one - play 'em, if they're not - don't. Don't be lame and jeopardize the opportunities of the rest of the team. Remember.....as the coach, everyone else is relying on YOU to make the right choices. Use good judgement and make 'em.

My grandfather passed on a good piece of advice to me before he departed. He told me, "Son, the key to measuring - is using the same stick on everything."

-Coach G

IF U DO GET TO COACH YOUR OWN SON , DONT MAKE THE MISTAKE MANY PEOPLE DO

<< LEAD, FOLLOW, OR GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY >>

If you coach your own son which I have not done, is I feel you must be able to seperate your self if at alll possible and make sure that he is no different then any other player on the team. Must compete like the others to earn his spot. Dads can be hard on their kids and some blind to their inabilities. Coach CAmpbell

I've coached my son in Pop Warner for two seasons now. His first year was the worst for both of us. I was hard on him. Since I was an assistant, I wanted the Head Coach, the Offensive Coordinator and the Defensive Coordinator to see his athletic ability. My son was 9 and if a butterfly flew across the field he'd be looking at that rather than watching the play. Those kinds of things drove me nuts. How are they going to know how good he is if he's lost in space? Fortunately for both of us, I calmed down and decided to just let him be him. Last season, I was Assistant Head Coach and my primary responsibilities were the O-line, D-line and Defensive Coordinator. I learned from my first experience to just let things go. So, when I saw him doing summersaults while we were working on special teams, I just said, "Jason, why are you doing that?" With a big smile on his face he replied, "I dunno." I just shook my head and let it go. I have to remind myself that kids play sports to have fun. I want them, all of them, to have fun within the context of what we're trying to teach as a coaching staff, but utltimately, they're going to be kids. That was the biggest lesson I had to learn and that has helped me as a coach and a father.

This season, I will be the Head Coach and my son said he wants to play quarterback. I know there will be sniping behind my back about letting him play the position. I've told him he's got to earn it on the field, I'm not going to just give him the job. To prepare, I enrolled him in a QB & Receivers Camp run by a local High School coach. I've also purchased several QB training tapes and I've worked with him on his mechanics. I don't want there to be any doubt when we take the fied.

I would say that coaching your own son can be a great blessing if you, the parent, keep it in its proper perspective. Don't expect for you and your son to turn out to be the next Jack & John Elway. To kids, it's just a game. At the 9-11 age group that I have, they don't care about winning. They'd rather win, but it's not the end of the world if they don't. They just want to have fun.

Coach Dubya

At the first clinic I ever went to Rob Johnson's dad was speaking. He is the head coach I believe at Mission Viejo, CA. He said he never coached Rob at home or took him out on the weekends for workouts.

My dad was a coach on the field and at home. What dad's have to learn is to separate the two, and let the kids be kids and have fun. Dad's sometimes make an ass out of themselves trying to live vicariously through their children.

Dad's can be great coaches as long as their conscious about their decision making and treat everyone equally. In a time when parents don't spend enough time with their kids, I would never discourage a Dad from not coaching. I have a Dad on my staff right now. His kid didn't work out at QB. Just doen't have the mentality or the emotional control but he's going to knock the crap out of people. By the way I don't treat his kids any differently than the rest of the team.

as a player I wish I had the opportunity for my dad to teach me about football the way you all seem to have taught your sons. Football has a long and deep history in my family, and I just wished my dad would have done more with me concearning football. My great uncle is in the IL high school coaches hall of fame, played at the university of IL with Dick Butkus, my grandfather played offensive line for Eastern IL for a year before getting married and having a family (he was also a star sprinter on the track team and still holds our school's hurdle record, the oldest record in my high school) kind of strange, an offensive lineman that was extremely fast, huh? my dad played DL/OL in high school, and received all-conference honorable mention his sr year after tearing his acl and mcl in the 3rd game of the season. My oldest brother QB/FS in high school, and made pre-season all-american FS at a small d3 school before passing away. My other brother played TE/DE and was a star sprinter/high jumper on the track team. I played LB/QB/RB/WR in high school. My dad really supported me playing football and loved watching me play, but I wish that he would have been harder on me when I was younger. He never really got much more involved than watching me play. He only got on my case twice in my entire life about football, once was during a jv game my freshman year, I was the starting split end and my job was to block the CB....every single play I had to block him, and it was getting old, I didn't see why I had to block him all out when we were running to the other side of the field, so my dad told one of the officials (who was a friend of his) to tell me that he said I was dragging ass and to step it up. The next play I knocked that corner on his back. He didn't like being knocked down by a freshman since he was a soph, so every play after that became a battle between the two of us. It would have been really nice if we'd thrown the ball, I could have beat the cb pretty bad since he was always stepping up to deliver a blow. Anyways, the 2nd time was during soph. year, I had slacked off considerably for about a month during the off-season, and when my dad heard that I hadn't been lifting he chewed my ass up one side and down the other and he told me something that I will never forget "Damnit Seth, you have more talent in your little finger than I had in my entire body and you're just wasting it." Instead of getting mad at my dad, I realized that maybe he was right, I really looked up to my dad as a football player, and I knew I had some talent, football had always come so easily to me. As soon as I was born, my dad a stuffed football in my hands, even before my mom got to hold me, she wasn't too happy about it, but oh well I wish my dad had told me sooner not to waste the talent that I have, and I wish that after my senior year of high school he would have made me realize that if I want to play college football, I have to get ready for it right now. I had my head stuck up a girl's butt and only wanted to go the school she went to, and after i was all set to play football at a big 10 school, we broke up and she transferred to a school without football. Now, 4 years later I'm desperately training with a passion i've never had before so that I can play football again, football really is what makes my heart tick, and I just wish my dad had taught me more as a child. When I have children, and someday I'll be their football coach I don't really know how I'll approach the situation. I want my kids to be great at football, but I don't want it to be another story like Todd Marinovich.

Coaches I can think of nothing as special as coaching your own son or daughter. First and formost remember that you are a parent 1st and a coach second. Enjoy the great positive relationship opportunity that exists in this situation. Treat your son or daughter fairly. Remember they have enough pressure on them just being a coaches kid. Do not go out of your way to make life harder on them. Be wise and just, give praise when appropriate, be firm when necessary, and always show love and support. Apply rules fairly to all athletes reguardless if it is one of yours or not. The memories and history that you can develop from this situation is priceless. My son is in college now and he has decided to become a coach. I think a big part of that decision is he knows that one day he will have children and he wants to be as involved with his family as the two of us were when he was growing up. You should thank God that you are in a situation where you can be around your child and have such a positive impact on their lives. The bond you can establish easily outweighs any negative aspects of this question.:heart;