Off Season Communication

COACH CAMPBELL, LYLE:

This is a great topic for all coaches! In my 42 years on the field of which 30 were at the high school level,
I found that IT IS HOW YOU ARE PERCEIVED BY THE PARENTS THAT REALLY IS THE YARDSTICK BY WHICH YOU ARE MEASURED. If they perceive you to be a good man, genuinely interested in the welfare of their kids, teaching the players to be more than just players but how to become a good and useful citizen in life, you will be able to stay at that school until the cows come home! Your win lost record is important to some of course, but if you meet the criteria of those listed above, your a winner in their book.

On the other hand, if you are perceived by the parents to be other than that, your in for a hard row to hoe!
You can't, and never will, please everyone no matter how hard you try. I always found that having a preseason meeting with the parents, about 2 weeks prior to the beginning of fall practice, where I laid out what we as a staff identified as our goals and the obstacles that would prevent us from attaining those goals, and our plans to overcome them and have a winning season. I made certain that all present were made cognizant of the fact that our primary objective WAS ALWAYS THE SAFETY AND WELL BEING OF THEIR CHILDREN. Then, I would ask for their cooperation in letting us do our jobs and assurred them that their boy would not be playing until he was in top physical shape to do so. I would tell them that when Johnnie comes home and tells you: Coach is favoring this other guy over me, he isn't giving me a fair shake, he plays favorites, etc. your reply should be "coach has already explained his philosophy on playing time to us and we agree with him. Get on out there tomorrow and start working to get into better shape, learn your assignments better, work harder instead of coming home and crying to us." The reason I sk you to do this is for you be aware of the fact that all coaches have favorites and here is what it akes to get to be one of them: Be the first one on the practice field, x and o sessions, weight room training and the last one to leave! Show us that you are totally team oriented and not a me-me guy. Out work evryone who wants the same things that you want and treat everyone the way you would like to be treated! That is how you get to be one of my favorites!!! It may be a unique approach in this day nad time, but it worked well for me.

Coach Easton-TIGER ONE

HEY LOU,

I very grateful fo the kind words and the fact that you appreciated the approach that always worked well for me. However, I ommitted a very important fact that I always went of my way to emphasize in everyone of those meetings that I held.

I told them straight out that the only time I had ever had any friction with parents, for the most part, was when they did not agree with my choice of starters on the team. I told them, as parents, we all look at our children with our hearts and not always objectively, but as a Head Football Coach I did not have that luxury as I was trained to evaluate their sons with a different criteria in mind. I TOLD THEM STRAIGHT OUT IT DID NOT MATTER TO ME IF THE BOY WAS WHITE, BLACK, OR SKY BLUE PINK WITH POLKA DOTS!!
IT DID NOT MATTER TO ME ONE IOTA IF HIS DADDY WAS ON THE SCHOOL BOARD, WAS THE LOCAL BANK PRESIDENT, OR WORKED FOR THE CITY SANITATION DEPARTMENT!!! THE BEST PLAYER WAS GOING TO GET THE STARTING ASSIGNMENT, PERIOD!!! I TOLD THEM THAT IF THEIR SON WAS NOT CHOSEN AS A STARTER, HE WOULD BE MADE AWARE EVRY DAY OF WHAT IT TOOK FOR HIM TO EARN A STARTING JOB!!! I asked them to please understand that it was my job and that of my staff to field a winning team and I would be a fool to play anyone but the best player at that coveted starters role. The times they did not agree with my choices, I flat told them right out, with discretion of course, that it was my decision and that was the way it was going to be. I informed them of what it would take to have his son earn a starting position and that the best thing he could do for his boy was to tell his son that he and I had talked and that he now understood why he was not starting and here is what hwould have to do to change that. This approach always worked well for us.

Coach Easton-TIGER ONE

Coaches,
Here is my experience with parents. There are three types:
1. Over involved
2. Under involved
3. Perfect parent.

Over involved:
I do not care how many meetings you have or conversations with this type of parent they will always be a problem. They will tell you how to coach, where the son should play, sit with a chair and video tape your practices even from a distance, place posts on local websites about you, politic against you with the people in the stands and community, leave you email messages, phone messages etc. Once these type of parents are told one thing they do not agree with (There is always one thing) you can expect them to go out and do the above.

What do you do?
"The bear in the woods speech does not work". Face to face conversations do not work. However, they are necessary. So, what does? Nothing. Once you realize all of this and you get a thick skin it will not bother you. This parent must be kept at ARMS REACH. You must prepare yourself for the inevitable. That the AD, superintendent, and even the state will be involved. You must have video and documentation in order to discredit this parent. Here these cases have gone to courts. With out the documentation you could find yourself in trouble. Once there is a precedent started you will see it trickle to other parts of the country. Making friends with parents is a VERY BAD IDEA. Keep the relationship professional. You have to talk with these parents this is a part of the process of discrediting them. Because then they can not say you did not communicate with them.

Under involved and perfect parent:
Both these parents are usually not a major problem. Except for picking up their child from a game, event or practice. These parents feel that us coaches are babysitters for them. The perfect parent is the best. They are here to do whatever is needed to make the team's experience a great one.
Karjaw

Tiger one,
I think every coaches opinions are based on their experiences with parents. I have had some rough experiences with parents. I have been personally sued twice for football related incidents. By parents who wrote letters to the school board of how much they loved the program and what it did for their son. I have seen coaches in our area lose jobs to these type of parents. I just do not want young coaches to be blind sided by these type of parents. This past year coaches have recieved court injunctions for lack of playing time, Loss of schlorship due to suspension, and conversation said to parent who were friends. What you say and do will be used against you ina court of law. I have seen coaches have newspaper articles written about them on alleged comments to a player. "You might want to think about playing D3 becasue D1 is not for you." I thank you for your post and I do not take what you say personal. I never take what anyone says personal. Why would I, you do not know me personally.
Take care
Karjaw

Tiger one,
New York state
Karjaw

Karjaw,
Where in NYS?

COACH BETTS:

I think both your question and th post above where the coach actually took the parent right to the field
would be an excellent method of dealing with a mouthy parent, IN A DISCREET AND AMICABLE WAY OF COURSE. As you get older you will discover that you really do catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar! I've invited parents to come and watch a practice from the bleachers for the same purpose but always had a hard and fast rule that you do not enter my practice field unless you were an invited coach or a college scout. They were always invited to view practice at any time under those conditions from the bleachers with the exception of a few occasions where I closed practice as we were in a same town rival game that week or a play off scenario when I coached on the high school level.

Coach Easton-TIGER ONE

Coach Betsworth,

Would the coach you mentioned in one of your previous posts happen to be Mack Brown at Texas? I know he uses video tape of his players to show parents questioning lack of playing time.

Dave Hartman
CYFL Coach